Sick.

 Hi I think I'm sick. 

"You'll be fine" "Dont think too much" "Stay strong" etc..... no longer work on me anymore.

Thought it was just pms, thought it was just "not talking enough to people". 

I kinda want to believe that I'm alright, I want to believe that it really is just that I dont talk enough on normal days because sometimes it's true that I feel ok when I talk enough. 

Also I slowly realise I might really need help when I start to feel disinterested and unmotivated on almost everything.

But then all dem' psychiatric illness tests online got me wondering if I really am suffering one. I feel like I'm just lazy and finding excuses for myself, for not doing what I am supposed to do at this moment. Because my situation seems just a tiny bit like it. 

I thought I was healing but slowly I realise it could be that all I did was just escaping and running away from my problems, thinking that I had handled them well. Maybe I had healed a little, but this is definitely not a permanent thing. 

I clearly know something has to be done, may it be healing with professional help or finding out that I'm just lazy. 

But then I find it more than difficult to take the first step. Talking to people is just... hard. 

I hope this little diary helps. 

I want to believe I can do this. 

加油好嗎？